 The Miserable Mill by Lemony Snicket
A Series Of Unfortunate Events : Book the Fourth
Mr Poe delivers the three Baudelaire orphans to their new guardian, the owner of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill in Paltryville. But far from living in the mill, they rapidly discover they will be working there. Each morning Foreman Flacutono wakes the workers by banging metal pots together and directs them through a day of arduous logscraping, with only chewing gum for lunch and damp casserole for dinner. Their guardian, a terrifying man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, known only as 'Sir', proposes unsatisfactorily that if they work in his mill, he'll 'try' to keep Count Olaf away. After an unfortunate event, Violet believes Klaus has been hypnotised and when they discover Dr Orwell's receptionist, Shirley, is really Count Olaf dressed horribly, her worst fears are confirmed. Read more @ amazon.co.uk | amazon.com
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Count Olaf Responds :
Having lost my life's savings when I was forced, so cruelly, to give up my boat hire business on the shores of Lake Lachrymose, I found myself in less calming surroundings. Alas, Paltryville was -- and will forever remain -- a place of lost beauty.
To bolster my acting credentials -- and since a great thespian such as myself should always be open to new experiences -- I decided to spend some time exploring my feminine side. One should never underestimate the benefits of thoroughly researching a part and, with the air of an intrepid explorer, I took the persona of a receptionist to the world renown Doctor Orwell.
As Shirley -- the good doctor's faithful right hand -- I believe I acquitted myself as both receptionist and woman. Sadly, my understandable joy at such a triumph of my art was short lived. Those appalling Baudelaire brats suddenly found their way back in to my life and -- as always -- ruined it!
But for the clumsiness of that dratted Klaus, I may have lived out my days in the service of Paltryville's sickly inhabitants. Instead -- when that disgusting Mr Poe chose to believe yet more Baudelaire lies and consider me capable of yet more heinous crimes -- I was forced to leave the joys of Shirley behind me.
After much soulsearching, I came to the conclusion that some time away from acting might be of benefit to me both as a man and as an actor. Teaching seemed to be the perfect vehicle for my many skills. Children are -- after all -- a great pleasure in my life.
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