Count Olaf Responds :

Lies, lies, lies! I take in those insufferable Baudelaire brats and what do I get for my trouble? Nothing but grief!

That sickly banker, Mr Poe, approached me to take in the poor, orphaned Baudelaire children. What a terrible thing that fire was, how could such an awful thing happen to those dear Baudelaires? Anyway, as I was saying, Mr Poe contacted me and requested that I -- as the Baudelaire's nearest and, no doubt, dearest relative -- take in Violet, Klaus and Sunny. I, of course, agreed immediately, hoping to offer them a warm, caring environment in which to get over their grief and go on to live long, productive lives.

Sadly, it was not to be. The Baudelaire Orphans proved to be difficult children, expecting to be waited on hand and foot! They seemed to believe that they could stay in my lovely home with out lifting a finger. To counter this appalling lack of character, I decided to introduce them to the delights of the theatre. Acting is a fine and noble profession and I felt sure that my troupe of talented friends would be good role models for the children.

You can imagine my horror when Violet believed me capable of using the play -- a finely crafted piece written by yours truly -- to trick her in to an underage marriage! Really, as if I would do such a terrible thing. Sadly, that poor, deranged Justice Whatshername -- who lived in a horribly overkept house next to my own fine abode -- took the side of the brats and I felt it best to excuse myself from the whole, terrible affair.

On such misunderstandings are life's changes wrought and, to allow myself time to heal from my emotional wounds, I decided to move on to a fascinating position with one of the world's leading herpetologist.