 The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket
A Series Of Unfortunate Events : Book the Sixth
Arriving at Dark Avenue, the three Baudelaire orphans begin their new life with Jerome and Esme Squalor. Jerome is a kind man but he hates to argue, especially with his wife. The Baudelaires find themselves in a strange world of in things: aqueous martinis, pinstripe suits and meals only involving salmon. Sadly, elevators are out, and the children are obliged to walk the many steps up to the Squalors' penthouse. Even more sadly, they soon meet Count Olaf again, in disguise once more, and discover that the ersatz elevator is not an elevator at all but a shaft in which the Quagmire triplets are imprisoned. No one believes them and they quickly learn that Esme is in league with Olaf, who plans to take the triplets with him when he leaves. Read more @ amazon.co.uk | amazon.com
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Count Olaf Responds :
Yet more nonsense from the pen of that hideous Snicket man!
I felt the need to brush up on my acting skills in the smashing company of my most talented and beautiful student, Esme Squalor. How convenient that secret passageway from 667 Dark Avenue to the Baudelaire mansion has been...anyway, I digress. My charming guests, those Quagmire triplets, needed somewhere safe and cosy to rest so I set them up in a lovely little cage room in the spare elevator shaft and then set to work perfecting my German accent.
I've always been at the forefront of fashion so taking up the gavel at The In Auction was a great joy to me and presented my associates and I with an excellent opportunity to sell those dear doilies in such fancy patterns. Of course, the needless destruction of the perfectly serviceable box by those appalling Baudelaire brats was typical of their anti-social behaviour but, really, what can one expect?
Dear Esme and I decided to take ourselves away from dreary Dark Avenue to somewhere so much better and my friend and colleague -- with his brightly coloured, oversized purchase -- was good enough to drive us. How charming.
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